Day Twenty-eight

I really hate never having the wherewithal to get all the things I need. Again, this is just a hair’s breadth away from hating (although ‘resenting’ is probably the more accurate word) those who seem to be able to get whatever they want whenever they want it. I’m constantly bombarded with new things I really must have in order to be happy and fulfilled and my means are simply limited. To maintain my station in life just isn’t enough. My ethic is admirably one of self-improvement and the most obvious sign of success is affluent prosperity. Everything is relative, and it is unfortunate that there are so many in the world living in true poverty. But my ability to send a few dollars their way is contingent upon my having a surplus for myself, and that’s why I hate never having enough.

But wait! Am I not sinning here? Is my insatiable desire for more serving to interfere with—or to break altogether—my relationship with God? Or is it the other way around? The currently popular theology of success purports that it is sinfulness that manifests itself as impoverishment (Third World countries in particular need to take note of this) while material wealth is the reward for having obtained God’s favor and blessing. Therefore good people have plenty and bad people are punished by having to do without. But for as simple as this seems it still does not help me understand how or why the guy in the million-dollar house with a fleet of Mercedes is so much better in the eyes of God than I am. Why, I don’t think he reads the Bible as much as I do!

Speaking of reading the Bible, it’s hard to find an accurate and objective interpretation that supports a theology of success. Indeed, there is much—especially in the gospel texts—that argues just to the contrary. From the Hebrew Scripture’s prohibition of covetousness (remember that this would have been the “bible” that Jesus worked from) to the numerous admonitions of Jesus himself found in the New Testament against letting money and materialism hamper one’s relationship with God, the scriptural message would seem to at the very least caution against equating wealth with righteousness and poverty with sinfulness. Indeed there seems to be an entirely different definition for wealth other than the materialistic one, but I’m so busy chasing the contemporary understanding of success that my exploration of something more will just have to wait. God have mercy on me, a sinner!