Day Twenty-seven

I hate it when I’m not in control. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s not being in control of myself or of the others around me. Either way it’s not a good feeling. I especially hate being controlled by others. Often as not I’m smarter than they are, I have better ideas than they do, and things would run more smoothly if they were done my way. I mean, just look at George W. Bush! The idiot couldn’t think his way out of a paper bag and yet he’s messing up the whole world because he’s taken control of our government with the help of his neo-con flunkies. If I could just be the President of the United States then I’d be in control of things and could get the world back in running order.

But wait! Am I not sinning here? Does my desire to be the one in control do something to my relationship with God? I’m well aware of the old adage “let go, let God” but that just seems to be one of so many catchy little platitudes that don’t mean anything in the real world. Bush claims that it is God’s will that he be in control, so what does that say about my desire? Is the sin that I’m wanting something for myself that God has ordained someone else for? Or is the sin to hurt my relationship with God by wanting to be the one in control? How does this work, anyway? If God is in control, what does that do to my free will? And if the doctrine of human volition teaches that through free will I’m the one in control, what does that say about God’s role in the scheme of things?

What we know of Jesus portrays a man not much interested in the issue of control, even though the tradition has imbued him with God-like powers. We are not given the impression that Jesus’ mission was to take over either the corrupt Temple or the oppressive Roman government. Indeed, he paid the high price of not being regarded by many as the true Messiah for this very reason! And the picture of the man in Gethsemane, at the traumatic height of his vulnerability to those who would literally kill to maintain their control, is not of one attempting to manipulate God but is rather one of incredible submission to the will of his Abba. I’m tempted to think that this was easy enough for Jesus because he did so with the knowledge that he was God’s Son (or that he was God), but then I have to confess that this utterly robs him of his divine role as Rabbi, as Teacher. God have mercy on me, a sinner!