Day Twenty

I find myself midway on this spiritual journey through the symbolic wilderness of Lent, and, as some others have commented, I am no less confused—and possibly more so—than when I began. I can’t help but wonder how the journey is progressing for those who chose Mardi Gras revelry over a more somber approach. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so judgmental. Perhaps their method of entering into the observance has provided them with a greater sense of direction than I seem to be finding for myself. The old adage that “ignorance is bliss” may be truer than I care to admit, especially if there’s any truth to the belief that there is a preordained elect going to heaven regardless of what they say or do.

I haven’t done much to dispel the notion that it’s all about me, either. It’s my own skin that I’m out to save, and it’s bothersome to be presented with conflicting theories about how to accomplish that. I’m beginning to feel a strong attraction to the idea that Jesus died on the cross for me because it is comforting to think that I am not ever going to have to go through such an ordeal myself. Indeed, it’s an increasing boost to my ego to consider that everything Jesus did was for my benefit even to the point that his pain and suffering was to assure my place in heaven. If all I have to do is swallow some incredible ideology in order to play the game, that’s a small price to pay to pass my sins on to a willing receiver.

The truth of the matter is that I don’t think I really need to spend another twenty days doing this. Why not just skip ahead to the reward of Easter and be on with it? I already know how the story turns out, and I’m the winner because Jesus arose from the grave. I’ve got a life to get on with, and I’ll be sure to express my gratitude to Jesus for his sticking it out for me the next time I’m at church. Of course, that may be a couple of weeks from now when Easter Sunday rolls around…and it’s always so crowded then that it might make more sense to wait a couple of more weeks…he gave his life for me…I’m sure he’ll understand that there’s nothing more left for me to do…