The clear message I received from family, church, and society in general is that there is nothing inherently worthy about me, and that the avenue to earning the respect of others is through achievement; in my case, specifically of the academic sort. While this didn’t jive with my understanding of the teachings of the Christ I was repeatedly reminded that my interpretation counted for naught until such time as I could scholastically justify it. There was to be none of this sentimental “but I was called by God” nonsense; what counts is being able to say “what I think about this or that matters because I have the academic credentials to support my position.” Try as I might, I was unable to reconcile this attitude with the biblical message that the least shall be the greatest, that the last shall be first, and that the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve.
This is not the first time that I have confessed to the selfish aspect of the love that has bound Mary and me for the last thirty-six years, but in the context of the outside conditions I found being placed on my worthiness it was literally awesome to discover that someone apparently loved me unconditionally! Mary didn’t ask for a copy of my transcript before agreeing to date me. She didn’t require that I produce my SAT scores or my acceptance into graduate school. Mary loved me for me, and in turn that empowered me to love her in the same way. In Mary I found the true, unconditional love of which the Christ taught, and in so doing I discovered my value as nothing more—and nothing less—than a child of God. To those who were expecting me to authenticate my calling through academic achievement this was a great disappointment, but in terms of my own sense of self it was nothing less than an exhilarating sign from God!
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