Prius Privileges

As gasoline prices hit record highs and evidence mounts that climate change threatens the planet, I’m proposing that societal perks be doled out on the basis of mpg. For instance, heavy trucks (SUVs included) and other low mpg gas-guzzlers should be restricted to the far-right lane of all freeways, if not banned altogether. Then there’s parking; the higher the mpg, the closer the space. It will do the polluters good to hike to their destination through the emissions they so cavalierly produce. Any tax-breaks should go to those who are consuming and polluting less, not the other way around. My fees should be lower, my rebates higher, and my status elevated to that of privileged in every way imaginable. I’m doing something good for the planet and I deserve to be rewarded. Come to think of it, there should be a correlation between income and mpg—what sweet justice that those who use the most could least afford it! In the end, you’re going to thank me for saving your sorry behind and there’s no better time to begin than now!