Man of the Year

Stephen Colbert and I share the disappointment that neither of us was chosen as one of TIME’s 100 most influential people. Colbert just has a larger audience to complain to. Obviously, TIME was not aware of recent polling by Me, Myself, and I that confirmed me as the most influential person in cubicle 406-02. From where I sit, I have absolute control over a Dell Optiplex 745, a Canon P23-DH II, a Nortel M3903, and a Starbucks Barrista Aroma Solo. Their oversight, their loss. I take strange comfort in not having to be responsible for my influence reaching any farther. Heaven knows how heavy the responsibility of managing my own self weighs. Actually, I want to thank TIME for ignoring me because it helps bring me one step closer to accepting the fact that I’ll never make the Milestones section either.